BEAUTIFUL OR HEALTHY? WHICH IS IT?

tess

Like most other woman I have my own relationship with my body. Some days it’s great…and other days it’s bad. Mostly I am at a stage in my life where I have come to accept my body as it is and I generally try to maintain a reasonable level of fitness. As a result I have more good days than bad days. And because I have always been ‘curvy’ I am also very able to see the beauty in ALL body shapes and sizes. I am delighted to see a movement that is supporting this.
Below is a link to a news article I read this morning.When I read things like this I feel like some people are missing the point. What’s up with this attitude of just because you are fat, you are unhealthy and therefore should not dear to love and or accept what you see in the mirror?!.  Just because having bodies like this are a health risk they  should be ignored for their exterior value?  YES….being morbidly obese almost certainly will have bad effects on your health. However…can we not still be beautiful if we are unhealthy? Kate Moss  and other ‘Supermodels’ have been raving drug addicts,anorexics,bulimics etc.I can not even begin to imagine what the state of their insides are like.Or their heads for that matter. But we don’t seem to crap on and on about how they should not be told they are beautiful because of it, every time they appear in a magazine. I have friends that are half my size and I have no doubt that I am of a much healthier state than they are in. They might chain smoke, drink heavily or even eat endless junk food. Does that make them less beautiful/handsome than I am? Sadly I live in a world that says regardless of THEIR health….they are more beautiful than me. That their slender body has more value in this worls than my curvy body. As a teen I was told on numerous occasions by friends and family that I if I lost weight I would be really pretty. Effectively being told that unless I am slim, my  beauty has no currency in this world. As you can imagine, in a world so obsessed with beauty, this most certainly had an impact on my sense of self worth. it took me years to see the bigger picture. I still struggle…but I GET it now.
Beauty is a superficial thing. It is also a personal thing. We all hold beauty differently. Some woman like their men ripped and hairless. Some like them with a healthy layer of life and a bit of hair on their chest.(me included). Some men like blondes…others like brunettes.
I believe that refusing to acknowledge the beauty in people for fear of encouraging them to remain unhealthy is ignorant and in this instance, very hypocritical.  Beauty and health are two very seperate things.One is purely physical and subjective.The other is scientifically measurable. Sadly it seems that depending on what you weigh, they either have an equal value or they don’t.We tell anorexics and bulimics that they are beautiful. They always were and should not let anyone make them feel any differently. Yet if someone is obese…we are encouraged NOT to tell them the same thing?! WTF?!!!??  Every time I see photos of a big women being beautiful, there is an endless stream of comments going on about their health. Funnily enough when I see pictures of celebrities looking fabulous I don’t see an endless stream of shaming because of their cigarette addiction, rampant red meat consumption or overwhelming depression. Because we all know it has nothing to do with  the picture we are looking at. When we see a super skinny model in a magazine it’s the magazines fault.The designers fault. Societys fault. Poor her. How did she ever think so little of herself that she would starve herself like that?  Why is it that the big women in this world are endlessly banged on at about their health every time they show the world they dear to feel beautiful? In this instance it’s always THEIR fault too. Not the designers.Not the magazines. Not society. It’s all about them.  !!!
I think that this Tess Munster is a gorgeous woman. I would kill for those cheek bones.Those lips.I know there are men and women out there who think her shape is bangin’. What if she can run 5km with me? What if she can run 10km and I can’t? Then which one of us is more beautiful ?

http://www.stuff.co.nz/life-style/fashion/68016399/Its-wrong-to-tell-fat-women-they-look-fabulous

ADHD

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Yesterday Tahi was diagnosed with ADHD. Yep. Gotta say…..no surprises there. No sir-ee. My little guy is a FIRECRACKER!!!! When he was in utero I had a midwife tell me I was gonna need “a big backyard for this one”. SHE WAS NOT KIDDING.! He was born 10 weeks early.  Again….no surprises there. He was such a busy little baby. His plunket nurse to this day says that in all her 30 odd years of dealing with babies , she has never seen a baby that moved as much as Tahi. The only time he is EVER still, is when he is asleep. He talks a mile a minute if you let him. And even when you don’t. He gets distracted by his own shadow. He wanders around the lounge  constantly whilst watching a movie. He is always fidgeting and making noise. He is loud. Has huge emotional outbursts and seems to have no real control of himself.  It’s like living with an excitable Labrador puppy who’s got a bad cocaine habit. He is completely at the mercy of his impulses. Sometimes it can be very entertaining. Sometimes it can be dangerous. Especially for his little brothers. And sometimes it is just plain heartbreaking to watch your  sensitive and loving child  be so often misunderstood and so unable to interact with ease in the big bad world. To watch the best part of your genetics struggling to focus their genius at school. Before I met my son, I had no real clue as to what ADHD was like.  It is E.X.H.A.U.S.T.I.N.G.  R.E.L.E.N.T.L.E.S.S.  O.V.E.R.W.H.E.L.M.I.N.G  and very very very TRYING. And not just for him or me. His brothers too, have to live with it. Learn to manage him. And also learn to understand that the way their big brother behaves is NOT  always how they should behave. How do you explain to a 4-year-old that his older brother is hardwired differently ? That what is good for the Goose, is not always good for the Gander.It is a constant juggle of time,management and energy.

 I live in a town that believes the worlds problems can be fixed if we  all just hugged one another, dreaded each others hair , danced around a Totara tree and then bathed in sea of Kawakawa and Patchouli. To be honest I would agree that we would have more chance at achieving world peace by doing this than shooting eachother….That is a whole other blog though.An I’m fairly confident that Rosehip and hugs won’t fix this. My point is…in this town……medicating your child for ADHD is a  disgrace and a crime worse than eating McDonalds. Your child doesn’t need medication!! Your child needs more attention!!!! Well tell that to his brothers who are already fighting over the scraps of their solo mothers exhausted love and time that Tahi has not yet already consumed in his frenzy of just being.

I have heard  horror stories about medication. “They were like a Zombie” ” It just wasn’t him any  more. He was gone” ” You can’t medicate him for just being him! Why don’t you medicate yourself? See how YOU like it?!!” ” He just needs more time with YOU!!”   I am finding it really hard to glean some good information about it all. The pro websites are really pro. The Con websites are really anti. Both parties have great arguments. It’s confusing. I so want the best for my boy. I want for him to make good friendships instead of being the kid that gets avoided unless the other cool kids aren’t at school that day. To not get growled at by his peers for always disrupting the class. To not be a thorn in the side of his teachers.To have a fighting chance at doing well in school and seeing it through.He is SUPER intelligent. Both me and his Father  could be doing a lot better in life than we are, if we had made different choices. God if I’d only listened to the adults that used to tell me to “Say no to drugs and STAY IN SCHOOL!

Over the years I have heard a lot of strong opinions on this controversial topic. They all seem to be people who know someone who knows someone. I don’t want to hear from them. I don’t want opinions from people who have no REAL  day-to-day experience with ADHD.I want to hear from people who have been diagnosed with it. Or people who have had to make choices for someone in their care with it. I want first hand experiences. I  want the to hear the wisdom of hindsight. I want to do the right thing for my boy. So do tell me…….. How was it for YOU.? Please share this with people who may give me some insight. I need to have as much real information as I can so I can make an informed decision for one of the greatest loves in my life.